Rock the Boat: How to Use Conflict to Heal and Deepen Your Relationship

Conflict is a natural part of any intimate relationship. Yet most couples either avoid it or try to smooth over their differences. This results in at least one partner compromising their integrity—and stunting their own growth. Gritty, often irreverent, and always practical,

challenges ......more

Conflict is a natural part of any intimate relationship. Yet most couples either avoid it or try to smooth over their differences. This results in at least one partner compromising their integrity—and stunting their own growth. Gritty, often irreverent, and always practical,

challenges couples not to flee from conflicts, because the emotional stalemate that conflicts produce creates an opportunity for profound transformation. This transformation affirms each partner’s individuality while forging a more mature intimacy, a greater trust, and a deeper bond.

challenges the idea that conflict between partners is unhealthy or something to avoid. Instead, it encourages both people to stand by what they need and who they are—but to do so with compassion rather than competitiveness or vengefulness. This is the purpose of an intimate relationship: to create an atmosphere where both people learn to grow up and mature in their relationship by appreciating each other’s individual needs in a caring and mature way.



Author Resmaa Menakem, a licensed clinical social worker specializing in couples therapy, addresses key factors in making this happen, including accepting discomfort and uncertainty; honesty and openness about sex, money, kids, and in-laws; recognizing when conflict might escalate into violence or abuse; and, when appropriate, finding and working with a good therapist.



is not about ideals, or what we hope or imagine relationships to be. It's an honest, unflinching look at what actually works.(less)

For over twenty years, Resmaa Menakem MSW LICSW SEP has worked with people facing difficult life circumstances. Resmaa has demonstrated that working within a ecological systemic paradigm to aid people in addressing issues is the most productive way to help challenge,resolve and confront important pr......more

For over twenty years, Resmaa Menakem MSW LICSW SEP has worked with people facing difficult life circumstances. Resmaa has demonstrated that working within a ecological systemic paradigm to aid people in addressing issues is the most productive way to help challenge,resolve and confront important problems in our relationships and ourselves.

With this in mind, Resmaa created RESMAA ROCKS. As a nationally recognized leader in the fields of diversity, strategic planning, organizational development, and trauma therapy, Resmaa empowers people to better understand their past and present successes and obstacles. Individuals, couples and families then use this information to build a more intentional future.

Resmaa Menakem, MSW, LICSW, SEP has also be

For over twenty years, Resmaa Menakem MSW LICSW SEP has worked with people facing difficult life circumstances. Resmaa has demonstrated that working within a ecological systemic paradigm to aid people in addressing issues is the most productive way to help challenge,resolve and confront important problems in our relationships and ourselves.

With this in mind, Resmaa created RESMAA ROCKS. As a nationally recognized leader in the fields of diversity, strategic planning, organizational development, and trauma therapy, Resmaa empowers people to better understand their past and present successes and obstacles. Individuals, couples and families then use this information to build a more intentional future.

Resmaa Menakem, MSW, LICSW, SEP has also been featured on the Oprah and The Dr. Phil Show as a family and relationship expert. (less)